Time...

"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity"

Have fallen in love with this quote.

Wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

....

Somebody said, “The hatred of those who are near to us is the most violent”

Never realized that it existed. But it did, subconsciously, all the time and she never realized. She can't blame anyone but her own self because SHE failed to realize where she was going wrong.

Now she needs to do a lot of soul-searching. Now she needs to take a long walk. In the process she is going to hurt a lot of people she loves. She can only ask for their forgiveness. But that's the best way. That's the only way. For everyone. And herself.

Dawn

Sleep eluded her. She felt restless. Taking out her small diary, she started writing.

Life is like a roller coaster ride. And to be very honest, its being a rough one. Expected that. My choice. Not that I am regretting it, but sadly, I am human after all. Something I loose my way, my mind. Even more when you suddenly feel that the support you require is not there for you and when you need it the most. I should not think like that. Not fair. I know it's there, but I guess sometimes I expect too much. And end up hurting myself.

I just long to hold those hands. Enough to make me feel relaxed and confident. A small gesture, which speaks volumes. Sometimes I am afraid to let go of them. Unsure, fearful, if I will ever get the opportunity of holding them again. But again I am afraid to hold them too tight. What if I hurt them? Make them feel caged, uneasy, making them desperately wanting to let go?
But then, the worst has already happened, has it not? How much worse can things get after this? I don't know. I don't want to know. Till sometime back, I believed in miracles, not anymore.

She looked outside her window. It was dawn. She stood in the balcony. Beautiful. The birds chirping. The coolness and the freshness in the light breeze which hit her face. Everything around her seemed new, fresh and full of life. It was a rare sight for her since she was always a late riser. She regretted missing out on this sight, this feeling, all this while.

It filled her heart with hope. She went inside and back to bed.
She didn't realize when she fell asleep. But when she opened her eyes she was not alone.
Her new friend, HOPE, who she just met at dawn, was still with her. Thankfully.

From Idiosyncrasy to Sensibility

Date - 12th December, 2006
Setting - My house
Time - 9:50 PM


Why the sudden urge to have pani puris? At 9:50 in the evening!?!

Am I loosing it or what?

It been like this the entire day. This craving to have wrong food at wrong hours.

In the morning when I woke up, I had this terrible urge to have biryani in breakfast. Well, the idea of having biryani I had to sacrifice, but could not resist the pani puris. So ordered them at 10 at night and now after having them, and really tasty ones, I am at peace

Now at 11:44 PM, I want to have Sprite. I have started loving it, thanks to a friend who simply cant do without it especially during his meals.

Yesterday I bought 2 bottles and finished it all. So now I am having to do with nimbu pani with lots of ice!

Slowly I am getting into my thinking mode. Yeah, I can think too! Funny yeah? But true i am afraid.

Thinking how I can get my life back on track. Hmn, Popz think and think hard...

Got it. I am gonna follow my heart.

I refuse to continue with something which takes the life out of me. I refuse to stick to it simply because I have no alternatives right now.

I know things will not materialize at one go. i will have to struggle. I will have to wake up in the morning and get that sinking feeling.

But I will fight and I will get what I want.

Patience, thanks for being a wonderful friend and my constant companion. I will need you now.

Time, I have a lot of respect for you. I know mine will come soon.

My friends, TS, Honeybunny, Vagabond, Nuttiez...I love you all and I know you guys are besides me.

And now I am sleepy. Time to hit the shack.

Have a sexy night. Adios till next time.

How she feels...

She entered the house and came across a familiar sight.

It was pitch dark, no soul around, no evidences to prove that it was what everyone calls HOME, a space inhabited by something called a FAMILY which is made of what we know as human beings.

But then for her this was nothing unusual. She was used to it. But deep inside she longed to be greeted by a human being after she came home from a hard day's work or from a long tour. But instead she always has to search for her keys in her bag to open the door and enter her own house. The keys, they have become an integral part of her life. Nice.

An empty house, dark and lifeless, a perfect setting for the mind to play games.
To think of things as negatively as possible. A perfect breeding ground for negative thinking. Even if she would want to think positive, be optimistic in her thoughts, the empty, lifeless space kills it entirely.

She speaks to herself, aloud, to break the monotony, to kill the silence. Depressing. But slowly she is getting used to it. She HAS to get used to it. Does she have an option? No. She doesnt have that luxury.

The only positive thing right now in her life is her friends. They make her forget her troubles, her sadness when she is with them. But she doesnt want to bother them with her troubles all the time. Every person has his own share of problems so why mess up happy moments by ones troubles and constant cribbing.. She always tries to be herself when she is with them.
But sometimes it is difficult considering the events which have been unfolding in her life one after another. Things are going wrong for her in all facets of her life.

For the first time in her life, she is feeling terribly pessimistic, scared, unsure where her life is moving, if moving at all that is. She feels defeated and lost. She doesnt know what she is going to do tomorrow, what lies in store for her. She no longer has the will to fight, to think and she is hating this feeling. This is not her at all. She just hopes things would get better for her. Only hopes. But she knows in reality, until and unless she herself does something about the situations, nothing will fall back on track. But she is tired. She doesnt have the strength to fight. She had seen miracles happen before and this has made her greedy. Now she also wants some miracle to happen in her life and her life once again comes back on track.

Despite having so many wonderful friends still she feels extremely lonely at times. She is feeling terribly lonely now. Hope she get's a decent job soon. That way atleast one part of her trouble would be over. Hopefully.

Reunion of sorts!

I am terribly excited!

Going to the Garden City, the place where I wanted to settle down once upon a time.
Now nothing, simply NOTHING can make me move from amchi Mumbai:-)

Gonna meet friends after around 14 long years, my classmates from old school with whom I used to play kabbadi, sleep in the class, play pranks, sigh I am getting nostalgic.

How will they react when they see me? How will I react?

Lot's of questions, am scared, excited, I dont know.

Plus going to have a ball with my sweethearts who gonna be there for their Event.

Gosh! I dont have any decent clothes to wear. have to pack as well.

Got to ruuuuunn now.

Adios.

Sadistic Sude...Completely unedited.

I just feel like being a jackass today. And I can complete assure you that I would'nt have to try too hard!

Ok. So let me be ME for a change. Well, not exactly the 100% ME but one small part of ME very few people know, my sadistic temperament, my inflated ego which I had once upon a time, some traces of which still remain. An ego which made me stop conversing with my own blood for a brilliant 2 years despite staying under one roof. And we were only 14 and 15 years of age.
Reason? Well let it be. Just that it was too trivial but the outcome was disastrous. But now, we both rock together and I love you bro! All the very best for your new life:-)! And I am sorry for being a bloody arrogant, egoistic bitch.

Lots of people I met in the course of my life have different things to say about me. They have formed impressions, some of which are uncomfortably close to reality, some which are very sweet and heart warming, coming from people who I care about, some which are absolutely ridiculous and some which make me say "Fuck You" to those people who form impressions just for the heck of it and who deserve to hear a "Fuck You". But I just wonder who would WANT to fuck such fucking losers anyway!

Let me just share a few thoughts on some basic facts of life. Men, Sex, Dating, Love, Marriage. Right now what i feel about them. I am saying RIGHT NOW because who knows, maybe tomorrow I might just have a complete reverse outlook to all of it!

Let's just begin with my not-so-favourite species termed "Adam" by God, renamed "Man" by God knows who and coined "Morons" by who else, but Truely Yours:-)
Some men hate to lose and on top of that they are such bad losers. Once a wife beat her husband at tennis. She asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other".

Men, I tell you. Sometimes I imagine a world without men. How would it be like? Well, no burping or farting in public, no colourful languages and lots of happy, fat women!
Now wait a minute, keeping aside my sadistic mood right now, lets be realistic for a moment. A world without men?!? A world without the men I love?!?! Not happening, no no. Time to move on before I get a thrashing from my G, A, R, P and the rest;-)

Well, Sex. I do not understand one thing. People say that sex is a natural phenomenon then how come there are so many books on how to?? I read this quote somewhere which goes, "The pleasure is momentary, the position is ridiculous, and the expenses damnable". True to some extent!

These days sadly there is no connect between sex and love. I mean how many men tell their women, "I want to make love to you" instead of "Let's have sex tonight" or "I wanna fuck you and drive you crazy". Now the Researcher in me has found a very interesting research topic! Wait let me work on this, create a research proposal and send it to one of the Condom manufacturers;-)

Dating. Gosh I have such poor vision. I can date anyone! Jokes apart, well many men did not have the good luck of going out on a date with me, I am choosy. If you go by my definition of a date, I went out on a date with just one person, fell in love with him and I am thankful to S for bringing him to my life. Now he is a wonderful friend and a great support.

Love. Ok I simply have to put this down. Some quote which I read. "I fall in love real quick, which can scare guys away. I'm like, 'I love you, I want to marry you, I want to move in with you.' And they are like, 'ma'am, just give me the ten bucks for the pizza and I'll be out of here.'
Gosh. Love. Hmn. Nothing more to say:-)

Marriage. It can be a wonderful thing to happen to you provided your man is ready to serve you breakfast in bed and not just on the lookout to have YOU as breakfast whenever you are in bed;-) Such a man, does he really exist? Or is he a myth? Well, who cares. I am always super excited to attend marriages as long as it is not my own!

Well all the laRkaz and laRkiz, forgive me if I hurt any sentiments, just in the mood to bullshit:-)

I have not written about the one thing which is really close to my heart, about which I cannot bullshit or play the fool. My friends. I will. Soon. M, G, R, A, P, I love you all. I owe you all one. Thanks for being yourselves. You all are cherished.

Will be back. Soon!

The Adorable Brat!

The Adorable Brat!

Ring..for God's sake please.
She was losing it now..patience.Finally the doorbell rang.Like a wild cat she jumped from the chair and rushed to open the door."Where is it, I cant see it!!" "I am sorry re. It is not keeping well so the guy refused to sell it to us"
Her heart was crushed. Trying hard to hold back her tears, she started walking away from the door.
All of a sudden she felt something wet on her feet. Tear drops, she thought but no. She looked down. She saw her little adorable, 10 days old Alstatian pub for the first time.That was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. The most cherished part of She's life. My life.
Sher khan..this name perfectly suited you. First time when you came and licked me, ignoring the rest, Boy wasnt I excited!

The Young and mischevious Dog:"BAD DOGGY!!Now where did you take my socks??Or is it inside your stomach!""Sheru now stop chewing my sofa leg!"I remember that day when I was sitting and cleaning my shoe rack. I was in the 7th standard.You were searching for sometime. All of a sudden your eyes fell on me and the way you just gallopped towards me, jumped on my lap and went off to sleep in a matter of seconds.

I still remember...The first time you attempted to steal the left over chicken scraps from the dustbin. Your legs got caught in the gap between the door and the bin and how you cried as if doomsday had arrived. More out of fear than pain!How all the self-proclaimed bravehearts in the family froze then and there thinking you were dead!I rushed to you, and you little brat just kept wimpering in my lap, I am sure swearing to God never to steal ever again in your life! As if! It seemed you learned from that episode and thereafter mastered the art of stealing from the garbage bin without any more mishaps!

The Scary One:I still remember the fear in my friends' faces whenever they used to ring the doorbell.Your barks, that could be heard from zillions of kilometers away, was capable of instilling fear and skepticism into the heart of all those poor thieves hatching plans to rob our house. But I always had this funny feeling that instead of robbing our house these poor bastards would in turn leave some of their personal loot behind for us! But then that's a different issue altogether.

So back to Sheru. You had been real naughty sometimes and really scared the shit out of us. You attacking my brother, my Ex boyfriend (Well now looking back at that incident, I laugh and I love you for it!) and ME! Well your attacks were not with the intention of biting of couse but to tell us not to cross our limits. You were highly successful in doing that I must admit!

My Soul:You had always been there for me.Be it simply loving the half-burnt cakes I used to make and gobbling those up when all the other HUMANS had outrightly rejected it, to being my punching back whenever I used to feel angry!
I still cant figure out how you came to know what emotions I was going through, be it happiness, sadness, anger or frustration.
Those 5 months of my life when I was down and out, heart broken and lost, you were my constant companion. I remember how I used to just let go off my emotions, cry holding you, night after night. You never once left me or shrugged me off and walked away.

You understood. You were there. You never moved your head from my lap even once.You wined when I cried.

Today I am in a similar phase.I am lost, depressed, dejected. I dont know where I am going, what future awaits me.I know I have to be strong, have to fight. I will. But I miss you, miss the comfort and love you used to provide me during my bad times.

And my mind wanders to that day when you took your last breath on the same lap you once used to jump on to sleep. I could do nothing but see you die in my arms.

I let you go.I was helpless.
I couldnt even give you a burial you deserved.
I am sorry.
That's all I can say.

My Inspiration

My Inspiration....
YOU...
For YOU am here.
I was able to take the first step to this beautiful world where words make love and embrance each other, releasing a sensation, better than any orgasm, a power more destructive than any weapon in this world.A sensation which can fill you with wonder, love and amazement or can simply destroy you.

"I am not good at this.Words dont flow in my case" I said."Chalegaaa" was your exact reply. One simple word but enough to instill the confidence in me.

Ok so now I need to introduce myself right?
How should I describe myself? I mean its difficult to be modest these days;-)

I will tell you all a story (modified to some extent!). You must have heard it many times before this.
Here goes..."One upon a time there was a simple girl who fell hopelessly in love with a charming prince. One day she got this golden opportunity to go to the ball hosted by the prince. She goes there fully dressed up(with the help of our fairy Godmother of course!) and tries to catch the prince's eyes.The prince, as usual has more hotter bodies to make out with! He cooly ignores her.Oh!!12'o clock.The girl has to go before she changes back into her old clothes. She leaves back her stilettos for the prince to find and chase her around the town. AS IF! Mistake number 1.

Description of Me:1)I am not the silly girl.I dont believe in fairy tales.
2)I firmly believe that in today's world one simply has to be a go-getter. It's just criminal to sit back and wait for things to happen for you!

As YOU always tell me "there is hardly any time left for us to live in thisbirth..." makes me wonder ever more!

'Shape your own destiny'. Thats what I believe in and I have honestly tried doing it and will keep on trying.Yes its easier said than done...but I would prefer ending up dead trying ratherthan end up dead feeling a loser.

It has always been your motto as well YOU...I know.Thank you for inspiring me too...
Well friends, thats all for now.
More descriptors would soon follow:-)
Till then Peace!